Me: The Stuffy Version
I’m a designer, a blogger, a not-half-bad cook, a wife, a mother of one — and our family’s personal historian. I have an irreverent, light-hearted and slightly neurotic approach to everyday life – and often times those qualities are in direct conflict with one another.
I am also a woman who thinks that plain, cookie-cutter bios are of very little value when it comes to actually finding out anything about me. So with that in mind, let’s move on to…
Me: The (slightly) More Interesting Parts
I’m actually afraid of anything that flies – birds, insects, bats. Although ostriches do not fly and I went on a safari once and one came up to the side of the truck, and I think I had a small stroke. Everyone else was like “Oh look at the ostrich, let’s feed the ostrich, what a pretty ostrich” and I was on the other side of the truck convinced that the ostrich had just looked at me funny. You know .. like lunch? Then (true story) a different ostrich – a ROGUE ostrich – snuck up behind me and I could feel something’s eyes boring into the back of my head.
So I turned around really slow – all “horror movie like” – and when I saw that ostrich I hit the deck like someone had just fired a shot at me.
After that, the people on the safari pretty much stayed away from me.
And while we’re on the subject…
I’m afraid of glitter. It’s just little bits of metal and plastic, and it flies up in the air and gets all over your hands and your clothing – and from there I’m convinced that you’re just breathing it in and all of these little bits of metal and plastic are collecting in your lungs. How does that not freak everyone out?! I think one of the single-most compelling arguments FOR digital scrapbooking, for me, was that I would never find myself in a glue and glitter situation. I love digital glitter – can’t get enough of it.
Right now you’re probably saying “Peppermint, you’re just talking about all the things you’re afraid of!” and to that I say “You make a valid point!” However, I’d like to see you TRY to tell me that you don’t feel as though you know me a lot better, and feel a little closer to me, after having read that ostrich ordeal. That was a vulnerable moment, right?
ON WHY I CHOSE ONE LITTLE BIRD:
After sharing my fear of birds, that’s usually the next question – but I zigged when you zagged and went straight into glitter. Because that’s how I am, I keep you on your toes. I chose One Little Bird as my business name because I really LIKE birds in theory. Meaning I like them visually, and you can find images of birds all over my house, my office supplies, my clothing. Well maybe I don’t actually have a lot of bird clothing, but it’s not for lack of trying. Also I’m the only female in my house (even my cats are male) and “bird” is a slang term for “woman” in the UK (see: every Austin Powers movie) sort of like “chick” is a slang term here in the US – so I think of myself as just “one little bird” amongst all these boys.
Also, just to prove I’m not out committing hate crimes against birds or anything, the bird feeder outside my office window is actually one of my favorite possessions, and I make sure that all the fat little birds in my neighborhood get an unlimited supply of nothing but the best sunflower seeds I can buy locally. (They probably sell fancier ones in other places, but how would my birds know? They’re fat and they all live here.) But when face-to-beak with an actual bird I will shriek like a total sissy and run in the opposite direction. Trust me when I say that the bird holds all the power.
And no, that does not include people dressed up like birds. Although I do tend to avoid people who are dressed up like anything because I just find it creepy that I don’t know who’s inside the costume. But let’s not continue to dwell on the things that creep me out.
I really miss the days when I could tell my son anything and he just believed me without question. Like talking back to your mom is against the law, and all I have to do is call the police and then won’t you be sorry – because you’ll be arrested for talking back to your mom and that will stay on your record forever.
What do you mean you learned about laws in Social Studies? Oh .. you specifically asked your teacher about that? Well …
ON PEOPLE WHO TALK IN QUESTIONS:
Do you know those people? Yes. Am I sometimes one of those people? Sure. Does it still drive me absolutely nuts, though? Absolutely.
ON WORDS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT AREN’T:
I do not like the words “slather” and “moist” – how are they not dirty words?
I’ve only ever seen one artist in concert – Elton John – because I typically try to avoid crowds, but when you have the opportunity to see Elton John in concert you don’t really pass that up. Throughout the entire concert there was this Italian guy next to us who would shout out “I LOVE YOU EL-AH-TON!!” every time there was a small silence between songs. To this day whenever an Elton John song comes on the radio I start laughing at that guy and yell out “I LOVE YOU EL-AH-TON!”
Updated August 2011: I have now seen one of my favorite duos, The Weepies, in an acoustic concert live at the Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis. I’m not exaggerating when I say that it ranks among one of the top experiences of my life, despite the fact that there were no crazy Italian guys in that audience (or at least no vocal ones).
I was a “ghost typist” for Larry Hagman (J.R. Ewing) for an online webchat he did back in 1997. At one point he was answering questions about the infamous “Who shot J.R.?” cliffhanger at the end of the 79-80 season, and he said to me “Everyone remembers where they were when J.R. got shot. Do you remember where you were?” and I said “Well to be honest, sir, I was 2 years old when that episode aired, so my guess is that I was off in a corner eating crayons.” And that’s the story of the time that I made Larry Hagman – TV’s J.R. Ewing – laugh so hard he blew water out his nose.
A few months later I was a ghost typist for the guy who played the Blue Power Ranger, but he didn’t find me funny at all.
So in Conclusion…
That was a lot of information to absorb all at once, wasn’t it? But if I saved even one person from an ostrich-on-human hate crime, then it was all worth it in my mind.